Enable Rather Than Avoid

by Gail Troussoff Marks, Silver Stars Gymnastics

Here is a story from a recent “Little Stars” gymnastics class, which is Silver Stars’ class for 18-36 month old children accompanied by an adult. The “Little Star”, a two-year-old girl, balked as her mother lifted her onto the balance beam.  The child’s legs went limp and as she fussed, her mother shot a discouraged look at the teacher. The teacher began to move the child’s feet across the beam as her mom continued to support the rest of her body. Towards the middle of the balance beam the child took a step by herself and soon began to walk needing only mom’s hand for support. After a tiny jump off the end of the beam, the child’s face lit up with a broad smile and she glowed with a sense of pride.  Her mom quietly marveled at the transformation that had occurred in the short walk down the beam.

This story is one of many from our gym that demonstrates what happens when a child is able to master a fear, learn a new skill, or deal with a new situation. It shows the joy of accomplishment and how to create more “I can’ situations rather than “I can’t”.  It would have been much easier to let the child in this story skip walking on the balance beam. However, summoning the patience to entice a child to try something new will build skills, whereas avoiding the situation usually leads to more reluctance. The child who is allowed to avoid the challenge also avoids the chance to build confidence in trying something new.

A recent Time Magazine cover story addresses issues between parents and teachers and highlights how often parents come to rescue their child from facing consequences. As a parent, I know the anguish of watching my child suffer a disappointment and know the extraordinary perseverance it takes to stay on the sidelines and watch a child agonize over something. However, giving a child the opportunity to make a decision and live by it builds responsibility. Children given encouragement and the chance to take responsibility often far exceed our expectations. Perhaps, we have become so fearful of what “damage” we might do to a child’s self esteem that we are actually thwarting ways that real self esteem is built.

To ‘enable’ is not just making a child try something.  To “enable” requires using insight to gauge how much a child can handle. Often in gymnastics it is necessary to break a new skill into smaller achievable parts. Helping a child tackle something new requires patience and understanding. The child needs to feel that their teacher is ready to cheer them on. The teacher needs to provide the child with the sense that if the child starts to lose control, they will be there to help. Enabling a child to live up to an expectation builds competence and responsibility. To ‘enable” broadens one’s world while “avoiding” shrinks one’s world. The patience and perseverance needed to create an “enabling” experience leads to benefits for all of us.